When A Shitposter Can Write Neo Getting The Relic Better Than The Show
by Troumvirate
Summary: This really wasn't hard. It took like, zero effort. I did it in an hour.


The long and ornate halls of Atlas Academy rushed past in a blur as he ran. Even when clad in tight jeans, Jaune's long legs carried him swift as a racing gazelle. He had to escape. _They_ had to escape. The relic had to be secured at all costs.

"Hurry, we gotta lose 'em," he called back to his comrades.

His heart dropped when he saw Oscar, the poor boy with barely a couple months of training, lagging behind. As the relic holder as well as the host of a now dormant Ozpin, his safety was of the utmost importance.

Slowing down to allow Oscar to catch up, Jaune, Ren and Nora reached a perpendicular hallway. He looked right and then left, and to his frustration, a trio of Atlesian soldiers stood brandishing their dust rifles.

He had two choices, passed down in his genes through millions of years of biology. Fight or flight. He couldn't go back the way he had come, lest they run into Neo once more. For a lone fighter her size, she was a capable and dangerous foe. No, Jaune would take his chances here against the three soldiers. They were in his way.

Nothing could be allowed to stand in his, and the relic's path.

"Cover!" he shouted, and as one the team drill that he and his companions had practiced since their time at Beacon was performed.

Ren, Nora, and even Oscar now that he had caught up, fell in behind Jaune as he planted his white and gold heater shield to the floor. Atlas' own technology was used against them, as translucent blue light, courtesy of the Hard Light Dust built into his shield, extended to protect all four of them from the barrage of gunfire that came their way.

Jaune grit his teeth, feeling the impact of dozens of rounds bouncing harmlessly off the aegis that protected him and his friends. He counted the seconds, wondering just how long a rifle could sustain such fire while spraying on full automatic mode.

The sound of silence filled his ears, and Jaune opened his eyes. This was their opportunity.

Throwing himself up to stand at his full height, Jaune gripped the shield of Crocea Mors tightly as he bellowed another order. "Non-lethal weapons only! Attack!"

Rushing toward the trio of men who were reloading their weapons, Jaune slammed his shield into the nearest one, leading with the edge and sending the soldier down onto his back in a crumpled heap. To his left Ren fought unarmed, using his mastery of Aura to coat his fists in white light and slam his palm into the chest of his foe. To his right Nora had choked up on Magnhild's long handle, flipping it upside down to use as a makeshift fighting staff. She slammed its metal end into the helmet of the final soldier, and like his comrades, went down to the superiorly skilled and trained huntsmen like a sack of potatoes.

It hurt Jaune to have to fight good, innocent men like this, but the fate of the world hung in the balance. No one would stop him from protecting the relic.

He turned around, placing a hand on Oscar's shoulder even as the younger boy still sought to catch his breath. "Hey. You gonna be alright, Oscar?"

The farm boy nodded, but Jaune could tell he was lying. Oscar wanted so badly not to be a burden to them that he would lie to try and fit in. Jaune was reminded of himself when he looked into those tired green eyes. Jaune too had once lied to try not to be a burden to his friends. To try to fit in at Beacon. Pyrrha had aided him in his quest to become the man he was today.

He would aid Oscar in kind.

Summoning his Aura, Jaune activated his Semblance and covered Oscar in glowing white light. It may not have made up for sore and tired muscles, but having a full Aura himself would only do the boy good.

"Come on. We gotta keep going," he ordered to his team.

"We're right behind you, Jaune," Nora smiled.

The blond boy stopped in his tracks almost as soon as he'd started. He glanced back at the other three teens, earning a curious squint from Nora. "I'm taking point," he said. "Nora, you stay behind me with Oscar, and don't let him out of your sight. Ren, cover our rear and watch for Neo. We don't break formation, got it?"

Nora grinned, giving an exaggerated salute. "Yes, sir!" he shouted enthusiastically.

Ren nodded, his own acknowledgement as muted as his normal behavior. "Got it."

Oscar smiled, and Jaune could see in his eyes that he appreciated the sentiment. "Yeah. That sounds good."

"Alright team, form up." Jaune raised his shield in front of him, ready at a moment's notice to deflect an unforeseen attack. When he glanced back to see his friends ready, he turned forward again. "Move out!"

Moving quickly through the halls again, Jaune fished his scroll out with his free hand to check if communications with Team RWBY had been restored. He growled when he realized that they were still being jammed. Like they were criminals.

All they had to do was make it outside to the landing pad. From there they'd hopefully be able to steal an air ship. They may not have had Maria available, but how hard could it be? They'd planned to steal one even before the elderly woman had told them she could pilot one. In a worst case scenario, they could always bail. They all had a landing strategy now, after all.

Freedom was so close that Jaune could taste it. _Almost there…_

But as they turned another corner, Jaune skidded to a halt again. Not by soldiers this time. But rather…

"Jaune," the surprised voice of Flynt Coal uttered, standing in front of the rest of his team.

"Flynt," the blond said in turn. Even through his sunglasses, Jaune could feel Flynt's hard gaze staring into him.

Armed with a weaponized dust trumpet in hand, Flynt casually lowered it down to his side, trying to deescalate the situation. "Jaune. What are you doing, man?"

It took a moment for him to remember that Flynt and the rest of his team weren't in on the truth. They may have just learned who Salem was, but they had no idea what relics were. They didn't know what the little blue and gold trinket hanging from Oscar's belt meant.

"What I have to," he said, taking a step forward. "What _we_ have to," he continued, gesturing to his team as a whole.

A single step is all it took for Flynt's trumpet to rise. Not into attack position, but Jaune noticed the subtle movement. "There's orders out for your arrest," he said gravely. "You know that, right?"

Jaune nodded. "Yeah. I know. But…"

"But what?"

"You can just let us pass, Flynt," he said, hoping that invoking the boy's name would help remind him of all the good times they spent together. "Pretend like you never saw us, and we'll do the same."

Flynt shook his head, a grim frown on his face which matched the tone of his voice. "You know I can't do that. We have our orders."

"We're on the same side," Jaune pleaded. "We can't fight each other when Mantle's crawling with Grimm. We need as many hands down there as possible."

"Then don't fight. Come with us, Jaune." He heard Flynt's own voice soften in its own plea. "We won't cuff you. We won't even take your weapons. We're cool, man. All we gotta do is go see the General and figure out what's going on."

It was Jaune's turn to shake his head softly now. Regretfully. He knew what was coming next. "And you know _I_ can't do that."

Hands tightened around his trumpet, and Flynt brought it up close to his mouth. His team acted as one, brandishing their weapons and dropping into fighting stances. "Then you're leaving us with no choice."

Jaune heard an angry scoff from his right. "Typical Atlas brainwashing," she spat. "Always loyal to your mission, never to your friends."

"We _are_ friends," Neon said, stepping forward to stand beside Flynt. "And nothing'll ever change that. Not after what we all went through together at Beacon." Jaune saw her own regret as she stared down those she called friends, but were moments away from being her foes. "But right now we're trying to prevent another Beacon from happening, and you're in our way. So one way or another, you're coming with us."

One way or another. Like he had no other options. Like he was fated to lose today to Team FNKI. Jaune shook his head once more, and resolve filled his voice and eyes as he gazed into those of his friends. "No. I don't agree. Pyrrha once asked me if I believe in destiny." A sad smile crept onto his lips, though there wasn't a trace of amusement to be found in his words. "I don't. I make my own!"

As if on an unspoken command, Flynt's lips came to his weapon's mouthpiece, and a devastating wave of sonic energy spat forth from his trumpet.

"Cover!" Jaune shouted once more, and as one his team fell behind his shield.

Flynt's attack was powerful, far stronger than the mere bullets of common Atlas soldiers, and Jaune was forced back inch by agonizing inch under the assault. However, he had a new trick up his sleeve.

Taking Vine's lessons to heart, Jaune worked to extend his Aura, using his ample reserves to bolster his legs and root himself firmly to the ground like an ancient and mighty tree. Flynt's attack had no further effect, and after a few seconds the attack ceased.

"Neon, go!" Flynt shouted.

Jaune barely had time to raise his head above his shield when he felt the roller skates of Neon Katt land atop the edge of his shield, using it to springboard herself up and over his ducking team.

Jaune turned quickly to the other ginger in the room. "Nora, go get her!"

She didn't need to be told twice, and his teammate pursued her fleeing quarry with typical Nora-enthusiasm.

It seemed as though the past was repeating itself, as Ren found himself once more facing off against Ivori, while Oscar pitted himself against Kobalt. That left Jaune to face his old foe and fellow leader, Flynt Coal.

Brandishing his sword in his right hand and shield in his left, Jaune adopted a slightly crouched stance, leading with his left side in order to use his shield to protect his body.

"Come on," he begged once more. "It doesn't have to be like this. Call your team off before someone gets hurt!"

"You act like it's going to be my team that gets hurt," Flynt retorted, eyes narrowed and staring down past his sunglasses.

"They did last time," Jaune reminded him. "We've beaten you before, and we'll do it again."

Flynt's nose scrunched up, and his lips twisted in anger. "That was during training," he said, bringing his trumpet back up close to his face. "Out here in the real world things'll be a lot different!"

Another blast was unleashed against Jaune, and with no team left to protect, he decided it was time to end this as quickly as possible.

Using all his natural and Aura-powered strength, Jaune stepped closer and closer toward Flynt, his body feeling like it was being hit by hurricane-like winds as he neared the source of the sonic attack. Yet he persevered. Jaune wasn't the pathetic fool he'd once been. Had this been the Vytal Tournament he would have faltered. But here and now with his Semblance, he wouldn't fail. He couldn't fail.

Getting up close to Flynt, Jaune lashed out with his blade, forcing his foe to abandon his attack in order to use his trumpet to parry. Freed from the noise which held him back, Jaune went all out, slashing and stabbing with Crocea Mors. Even as Flynt desperately parried each strike, he was clearly more of a ranged fighter than a close quarters one, and Jaune found an opportunity to lash out with the edge of his shield, striking Flynt in the head while his trumpet was otherwise occupied.

The Atlas boy staggered back, the blow to his head hardly being enough to deplete his Aura, but enough to stun him. With distance between them, Flynt looked up, and to Jaune's surprise, a tight smile spread across his face.

"What's so funny?" Jaune asked. He clearly had Flynt on the ropes, and it would only take another couple hits to take him out of the fight so he could help the rest of his team.

"What'd I tell ya, Arc? Out here in the real world, in a real combat situation, Atlas students are second to none."

It dawned on Jaune that silence had once again filled the hall. Daring to take a peek behind him, he barely had time to look before the black and blue-gloved fist of Kobalt slammed into his face, sending Jaune tumbling down to the floor.

He tried to stand, but a swift kick to his ribs sent him rolling over in pain. All around him he saw bodies. Oscar, Ren, and Nora were all down. The same for Neon and Ivori. Somehow, Kobalt remained standing with his leader. And to Jaune's horror, he held the relic which had been plucked from Oscar's belt.

As Jaune clutched his injured ribs, Flynt reached up to tap the communication device in his ear. "This is Coal. We've apprehended Juniper and Pine. Preparing to bring them in. Over."

The Atlesian student turned, and looked like he was about to say something to Jaune, when Kobalt suddenly brought a fist down on the back of his head. Flynt crumpled to the floor in a heap, obviously not expecting an attack from his own teammate. Kobalt stood alone, smirking down on the fallen body of his leader.

Despite the fact that they'd been enemies only seconds earlier, Jaune still stared in wide-eyed disbelief. "Kobalt… why…"

And then it dawned on him.

Even if it hadn't, 'Kobalt' soon showed him. Bright pink crystals flashed, covering his entire body, and the image of the Team FNKI huntsman was replaced with the all too familiar form of Neo Politan in the span of a couple heartbeats.

She wasted only a second to wave a mocking goodbye to Jaune before she changed her appearance once more, this time to the uniform of an Atlesian officer.

Jaune stood up, eager to pursue her, but a glance back at his fallen teammates halted him. Even if he could take on Neo alone, which he knew he couldn't… he also couldn't leave his friends here to the mercy of Atlas' authorities.

He moved back to the prone bodies of his friends, recovering them one by one and waking them back up.

They'd failed. Through no fault of their own, they'd lost the relic. They'd lost this battle.

He could only hope that there would be more battles to fight in the future, and that the war was not yet lost.

* * *

Do do do-do do-do! I wrote this story in an hour!

Imagine if I was just writing a script and some simple stage direction? That'd be like... 30 minutes tops.

I'll admit that I don't usually care about doing little "RWBY rewrites" or whatever, but this one seemed too easy not to do. What did I do? What shit did I correct?

1\. I made it so JNPR wasn't afraid of crappy Atlas soldiers.

2\. I made Jaune actually act like a leader, and that he and JNPR were an actual team that trained together. Oh, and he didn't forget about Oscar either.

3\. I made their earlier spar with FNKI actually mean something, and had something to call back on.

4\. I made Vine's suggestion of "extending his Aura" actually pay off.

5\. I made Neo's camouflage skills actually matter, so she blended in with Team FNKI and used her far superior skills to pick off Oscar, Ren and Nora one by one before sneak attacking her own team, leaving her the last woman standing with the relic.

The end result? JNPR got a fight that actually mattered. They didn't look like bitches. FNKI got some more love. And Neo was a sneaky badass.

We all win!

The end.


End file.
